The Importance of Communication

 Welcome to another post! Today is going to be about the importance of communication and David D. Burns "5 secrets of effective communication." 

Communication is a vital part of everyday life because we use it all the time. Whether it is for work, school, and especially in our relationships with family and friends, it is important to learn to be a good and effective communicator. Without good communication, there is room for a lot of misunderstandings and often times causes problems that could have been resolved through talking and communicating about it. I want to walk through David D. Burns 5 secrets of effective communication and explain his techniques.

1. Disarming technique-

This is where we need to find the "kernel of truth" in others' argument, which means finding truth in what they are saying. Sometimes when we are being defensive, it often looks more like an offensive stance. When we set down our defenses, we are able to disarm them by disarming ourselves first. It won't change how they feel, but it will change how you do. This technique does not mean you are "giving in" rather it helps you find common ground and more understanding.

2. Express Empathy-

Expressing empathy should be done both with thoughts and emotional labels. It is important to repeat what they told us and make sure we are getting it right because they will know that you are listening and care. Emotional labels can deepen our understanding of how they are feeling and can help us connect through emotions.

3. Inquiry-

When we inquire of the other and ask, "am I getting this right?" we are able to make sure we are understanding them correctly and also when we say things like "I'd love to hear more about your feelings on this" etc. we are better able to show that we care and want to solve our differences and figure this out.

4. "I feel" statements-

When we use "I feel" statements, often times we tend to use them in a way to share opinions or judgement, not our feelings. By using this outline of

When (event), I feel (emotion), because (thought), I would like (polite request)

we are able to share our actual feelings and not judgement or opinions. When we go about it this way, we are able to have an entirely different and deeper conversation with each other.

5. Stroking-

This is where we tell people things that we admire about them and love about them. This needs to be authentic and honest however, or it means nothing.

These techniques and strategies will take time and practice to get better at, but they are so important and can make incredible differences in the ways we communicate with one another. In a book from Elder M. Russell Ballard called "Counseling with our Councils" he talks about the process by which the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and the First Presidency make decisions and how they seek inspiration. They all start by expressing love and admiration for one another, they then pray and pray to seek God's will, they will then discuss to consensus, seek to know that it is God's will, and they close with prayer (and then have chocolate pie). I love that this is the brethren's approach. When they do it this way, there is no fight for supremacy. When they all are on board with something, there is also no one to blame if things get hard. This is how it is for our relationships too. When we communicate this way with each other and seek to communicate with God and seek His will, we are better able to come to a consensus with each other and we will not be able to blame anyone.

It is important to remember that our greatest enemy is not the people we live with. Good relationships and good marriages are supernatural. It takes more work and effort because it is not natural. But the blessings and strength that our marriages and relationships can receive from learning to effectively communicate and strive to find discuss to consensus will be incredible. Heavenly Father wants to inspire us more than we want inspiration. He knows us and loves us. When we choose to seek after His will, we will find amazing things happen in life. Thanks for reading this week!

-Olivia