Preparing for Marriage and the Future

 Welcome! This week is all about preparing for marriage, changes that come about during this stage, the engagement period, and preparations needed during this time of life and of the relationship. 

When a couple get engaged, it is a very exciting time for them and it is so exciting to get to think about their wedding day and starting a life together. But the engagement period is actually a very important time for the couple to be preparing for a life together. Many are only planning for a wedding and not for marriage and there is a BIG difference between the two. One of them is planning for a single day and the other is planning for the rest of their lives. 

There are many things that couples should be discussing during this time and in preparation for their marriage and future family. Some of this includes: 

• Where will we live? 
• How will we deal with finances? 
• What are the plans for continuing education or career paths? 
• Discussions on boundaries with each other and outsiders like family and friends
• Intimacy 
• When will we have children and how many do we plan to have? 
• Developing healthy habits and routines as a married couple 

These are some of many points of discussion that should be taking place in preparation for a marriage and all play important parts of building and sustaining a life together. When couples get married there are a lot of changes that occur and it is an adjustment period and a time to learn and grow together to make decisions.. Some of the changes that couples face within the first month and in the first year of marriage can include: 

• Boundaries with family and friends
• Financial decisions
• Routines
• Moving in/ living together
• Habits
• Vulnerability and Communication
• Mutual decision making

When a couple is married, their duty and loyalty is to each other. It is important to have the "picket fence" boundary where some things can be shared but for the most part, many things should be kept between the couple. When establishing clear and fair boundaries, the couple will be able to work better within them. Things change financially when people get married and it is important to discuss and determine what will be done with bills, investments, spendings, and savings. Routines can also be a big change. Not only do people have to plan around their schedule but around someone else's now too. When people move in together they now share a living space so it is important that people have developed good habits of staying clean and organized. Some other changes include the level of vulnerability and willingness to communicate. It is super important that couples are able to open up and have honest and meaningful conversations about these things with one another. There is a lot that changes in the first month and first year of marriage and sometimes it's a difficult transition leaving your family and starting a new life together, so it is so important to talk about those things.

One more major change is learning mutual decision making. When you are married, decisions are no longer a one person job. It is now a two way decision making process and things need to be discussed to consensus. Couples have a wonderful opportunity to make a lot of important decisions, but those are the two most important people involved and often times should be the only ones. Although outside advice can be helpful at times whether from parents, family, or friends, it needs to be within boundaries. Seeking or receiving advice should not be done in a way to complain about your partner and your differences or a way to take sides. That is a sense of betrayal to look outward instead of turning to your spouse. There is a distinct difference in the intent of asking for help or advice and it is important to go about it with the proper intentions. 

Great marriages are not natural. They are in fact supernatural. It will not come easy or without hard work and effort from both partners, but when things are done with equal partnership and heartfelt intention and love, amazing things can result from it. Your wedding day only happens once, and it is such a special day everyone looks forward to. Your marriage, however, is meant to last for eternity. It is so important to be preparing for a marriage and having those important conversations at the point of engagement. As we seek to prepare ourselves and seek counsel from God in all that we do, we will find more joy filled and successful marriages and family life.