Active Parenting

 Hello and happy weekend! I hope you had a great week! Today is going to be about Michael Popkin's take on active parenting as well as what our job is as a parent and how we can help our children. 

Parenting is a great responsibility. Our job is to protect and prepare a child to survive and thrive in the world that they are going to live in. As children are trying to learn and grow or become "little scientists" it is important to be PROACTIVE in that. Use that as opportunities to help them. It is important to know that children are imperfect just as we are. They have needs that need met and sometimes when it is not being met children have a mistaken approach and will manifest that in different ways. When this occurs, the parents' response to it is so important to getting them back on track. I'd like to share some of the examples we learned about with the child/teen's need, the child's mistake approach, and how the parent might respond. 

Child's/Teen's Need

• Contact-belonging- everybody needs to have some sort of contact (eye contact/physical contact). There was a story we were told about a woman who worked in an orphanage and on the side she was working she would pick up the babies and hold them and play with them a little each night. They found that those kids were doing really well while on the other side kids weren't doing as well so they had her switch sides. When she did that with the second side the kids were improving while the first side actually started declining. This just went to show that when the woman would soothe the children and hold them they did a lot better and when the kids weren't receiving that contact they did worse. 
• Power-ability to make decisions or have choices
• Protection- both from physical and psychological harm
• Withdrawal- being able to know when to pull back, regroup themselves, then come back 
• Challenge- ones that will help them learn good skills and help them grow physical & mentally

Child's Mistaken Approach

• Undue attention seeking- when children do not have a sense of contact-belonging they will seek that attention in other ways such as being annoying or having behavioral issues
• Control others/ rebellion- giving children age-appropriate choices can help them understand responsibility and they can learn from natural consequences where needed
• Revenge
• Undue avoidance- it is important that children learn when they need a break and how to compose themselves first and then they can carry on
• Undue risk taking- when children don't have any form of challenges, they may seek risk taking in other ways to challenge themselves 

Parental Response

• Offer contact freely 
• teach them to contribute 
• choices (situation and age appropriate)
• Consequences- teaches responsibility (response-ability). Three occasions that are an exception is when it is too dangerous, the lesson is too far in the future, or if it could harm someone else
• encourage skill building 

When we are able to notice and recognize when a child is in need and discover what they might be missing, it is important to note behavior that is being presented and find ways to help them. These are just a few examples on how to be proactive in parenting and how to respond effectively, but as always seeking counsel from the Lord and inspiration is important too. Parenting is not easy, and it takes a lot of energy and patience, but it is such a great responsibility that God has entrusted us with. As we teach and love children, they will be able to learn and grow to be prepared to live in this world. I know that by doing so, we will find great joy and the Lord will bless us and help us along the way. Thanks for reading this week!